Biscuits
Sit down, put your feet up and have a cuppa and a nice biccie.
I love my biscuits, I do, and who wouldn't? Biscuits are lovely, particularly with a cup of tea. But alas the biscuit joy
is lost on the Americans who instead have cookies. Cookies are a poor shabby cousin 
to the biscuit. But what is the difference
I hear you cry? (Ignoring the fact that you quite clearly yelled at me to shut up...) It is quite difficult to put in words, but
in reality it is easy to tell one from the other. Cookies tend to be big, sometimes with things in them like chocolate chips or fruit of some sort, and are also soft and chewy, perhaps with crispy bits
around the edges. These can in fact be very nice, but they're not biscuits. There are also other so called "cookies" which are small
and hard and come in packets, much more like biscuits, and in fact are sometimes included in biscuits selections. I think you can
actually see one in the picture. I suppose this is a crossover biscuit cookie, which I will on the spot name a "cooscuit" (not a bookie).
However that is a stupid name, so let us never speak of it again.
So it can be difficult to differentiate between the occasional biscuit/cookie but when push comes to shove, you can sometimes find a cookie in a box of biscuits but you will never find a biscuit in a bag of cookies. Please don't write to me saying you can, I am making this up as I go along and don't really care to be honest. All I want to go with my cup of tea is a nice biscuit. Or eight... I can be a shameful fat pie when it comes to biscuits. It is, in fact, my lifelong ambition (apart from trying to strike a match on the stubble on a boy's face so it lights - why do they ALWAYS say no when I ask them if I can? I wouldn't intentionally set fire to them, honest m'lud!) to consume an entire cup of tea purely by dunking biscuits into it and eating them. Surely it must be doable. Yes, the tea might get cold and yes, I'll probably sick, but it still seems like something to aspire to. In fact, that is another way to tell the difference between a cookie and a biscuit - you dunk biscuits, but you don't dunk cookies (though you may dunk one of the strange hybrids which I've already mentioned).
Anyway, there are lots and lots of biscuits, far too many for me to write about here, partly because there are other sites which cover this better than I ever will, but mostly because I'm lazy. However personal favourites of mine include ginger nuts, Abernethy biscuits, a type of hybrid chocolate chip thing from a certain supermarket, biscuit curls from the same supermarket, and of course being Scottish, I can't miss out on a good piece of shortbread. Yummy. To be honest, I'm not that picky, most biscuits are pretty good to eat. If you think about it long and hard enough, biscuits could in fact be your entire reason for not going on the Atkins diet. Though of course, if that is the case, they are probably the entire reason you're a bit on the porky side too. But who wants to go on a diet if you can have the odd biscuits now and then, eh? I might as well end this with an Izzard quote because, what can't be made better by a quote from the lovely Eddie?
But with dogs, we do have “bad dog.” Bad dog exists. “Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!”
The dog is saying, “Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colours, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!”
“Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.”
Biscuity links.
